Distraught cows ask government: What’s your beef ?

In a drastic turn of events, the Maharashtra Steaks Committee has made an appeal to the Highest Court to revoke the beef ban. They further demanded the law protect and honour their constitutional rights to freedom of religion, and religious expression in India. According to Mrs. Kabab Gai from Bombay, the cows have two religious sects: Steak and Stalk. While every Stalks purpose is to fertilise the land, they also commit themselves to the lifelong task of stalking and stalling humans. Steaks however had a purpose higher than roadblocks and concrete dumping –– ‘the perfect BBQ’ a three-step journey of self-sacrifice and enlightenment –– Rare, Medium, and Well Done. This ancient tradition and core religious dogma shot to fame some of the leanest, most well marinated Steaks. And ever so often purebreds had the honour of melting away in a gastronomical feast of eternal bliss. But all was not peaceful at the ‘Cows are Steak’ rally. In an act of defiance, one cow grilled itself to an extremely well done. The air was thick, delicious –– the aromas of an overdone steak filled the street. International spokescow for ‘Cows for Grills’ released a statement, “We are not cowards. And we will steak everything before we let some government ban our right to freedom of thought, of expression, and religion. ” The Chief even went to the extent of saying that they could ban the steak, but they could never ban the sizzle. 7649891430_9460b347e4_b Meanwhile in an unrelated incident, a social media specialist has taken to twitter with her #ItsMyMilk campaign. Feminist groups are in full support and have moved the campaign to higher grounds –– the Cowch. The youtube viral #ItsMyMilk has spun off numerous parodies –– #ItsMyMilk by LOLcat is bonkers. For more on this developing story read the Beef Kheema tell-all: holy men used to love me.

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